The Eyes Have It

These are a few of the eyes I have been playing with. For some reason I feel the need to draw eyes, which is counter to what I originally started out with in mind last year when I picked up pencils and paper. I wanted to draw landscapes and still life stuff... but the eyes have it for some reason. Now I am drawing people... mostly so far... as I am drawn to drawing eyes and, well, they go with people.

This was a quick test for sizing of an eye that is not looking straight out. I was getting ready to do another portrait style and wanted to see what size I wanted the eyes to be as they set the stage for the rest of the image. I started the final already based loosely on this test, which I think worked OK.

I did this little ditty to try a colour technique using chalk pastels and damp brush to set the colour to be able to put charcoal over top without picking up the yellow. It worked well but I got carried away with the colour and made it a rounder shape than the eventual eye was to be... that happens when I have no plan or saample but do something from my imagination.

This was the specific eye from my first portrait attempt from last week, I just put it in here as the focus of the portrait was the eye.

What does this have to do with "self" stuff... I think a lot as art is a direct connection to expression of some of what makes us tick. Exactly how I have no idea. Basically I am using this blog as a catch all for all stuff that may or may not be related to Searching for Self. Perhaps I will change the name sometime... perhaps not.

Jeff.

Winter's Edge

Snow begrudgingly recedes

Revealing winter's detritus

February sky obscured

Hidden splendor, unrealized

As winter clouds drag on

Leaching colour from the air

Driving into work the other day this sunrise was in process and I managed to snap off half a dozen shots with my ipod... I think that the graininess adds to the effect, and the lack of decent aperture adjustment, automatic or otherwise. I just pointed it out the windshield (there are a few smudges on the windshield) and snapped without looking at the screen, bad enough I was taking pictures while driving but watching the screen for the shots... I figured I would just take what I get.

Jeff.

Charcoal Drawing

Friday I decided to actually start drawing. I originally started a sketch blog but I have since decided that a purely drawing blog is not likely to work for me, too many specialized blogs, and I put a few doodlings, material tests and technique things in there more for future reference as charcoal (my medium of choice) tends to smudge easily.

Anyway, here is my first attempt at a portrait from a picture reference, charcoal on paper.

This was just an image off of the internet so I have no idea who it might be. I intentionally left off one eye as I ended up with some marks on the page which would have been right in the white of the eye... and I liked this image as there was no hair in the picture (she was wearing a head wrap of some sort)... I've never attempted hair so I am not sure how it would turn out. As I was filling in shadows (which I still should work on more) I realized how touched up the JPG was as there were lighting affects which were next to impossible. Also the printed copy loses all contrast graduation in the darker areas.

I now see a line on her back that I didn't notice before too. I may come back and redo the entire drawing some time and use some techniques that I figured out part way through. This would both speed up the process and probably make the final product look more natural.

Jeff.

The Procrastinatative Ideal

Sure, procrastinatative can be a word...

The title sounds sort of oxymoronic, how can procrastination be ideal for anyone? Well, as I covered some of the aspects of my procrastination already I won't get to case specific but there is an aspect that is interesting to look at.

Procrastination promotes intuitive thinking, or unthinking, by forcing me to do tasks involved in a project under a shorter time frame than most would find comfortable. I know that I have started certain projects and found that the project is large enough that the sheer scope of the work is imposing enough to stop me in my tracks... I cannot get started as I may not know exactly where to start, how to organize myself and the related material or perhaps I have many ideas and cannot pick which to settle on.

Once I get down to it with what feels like enough time left, various ideas become one or two primary ones and the first step is immediately apparent. It all just comes to me and everything flows and just feels right and my time sense is typically pretty close. Organization is no longer an issue as I find and apply resources and materials as needed while scrapping useless and irrelevant stuff.

Now the ideal would be to be able to do this long before the deadline as I do realize that other unexpected stuff could come up making it impossible to complete the intended project... or something vital is just missing. Although the only times that I can recall this actually happening I ended up either not needing to do what I originally set out to do or the unexpected was more important and I found that my deadline was more flexible once my true priorities were set in place.

It's not so much the procrastinating, but the pushing the edge once the crunch is on, it's that space where everything flows that is the real draw. Of course there is the time not wasted doing tasks or chasing ideas that are not really useful.

Having said all that I am not aiming to keep procrastinating, just reflecting on how it has been useful to me over the years, more or less, by default. My preference is to apply the same skills that I have developed, intuition, organization and focus, in order to complete projects without the tight time lines.

Jeff.

LETTING GO is more than just letting go...

"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."

Albert Einstein, (there are many variations of the wording of this quote, perhaps it was translated)

One of the base ideas that is out there now is that visualizing a desire as graphically as possible is a first step in attaining a goal or desire. The next would be holding that visualization until it feels real, then letting it go in order to not focus on it directly and thus allowing the Universe to come up with the means to the end regardless of what we think the means may be. Nice idea, and roughly correct. While this, all on it's own may work for some I really think that letting go needs to be done long before framing any particular goal or desire and with a different approach than we typically may apply now, or more accurately, have applied in the past.

If I alter the quote by replacing, "...solve our problems...", with, "...change ourselves...", it takes on a new context while still holding it's inherent truth.

"We cannot change ourselves with the same thinking we used when we created ourselves".

Consider that everything that IS and how we interacted, reacted and created our past makes us who we are, all of it by choice even if the choice was not apparent at the time. Everything that IS has already happened and everything from this moment and past, is immutable and needs to be let go.

Given this, letting go is more a matter of accepting what IS and disassociating from all that IS which requires different thinking than we have been employing up to now. We need to accept that we cannot change ourselves by interacting, reacting and making choices as we have in the past.

This is hard, no two ways about it. This old thinking has been going on from birth and is not going to change on a dime. There is no easy and quick methodology to do so, nor is there likely to be one that will work for everyone.

To use the overused business phrase, "on a going forward basis" our thinking will need to be incrementally altered as each new circumstance offers us a choice to make. Each choice will need to be deliberated upon until such time as our unconscious selves are re-programmed or re-trained to accept the new paradigm of thinking and eventually these choices will become automatic and intuitive.

This sums up where I am at now, on the road to unconscious re-programming. I started by attacking my procrastinative tendencies first figuring that everything else will fall into place much more easily once I stop putting it all off for some other time.

Jeff.

The ambiguity of "The Secret"

"Men do not attract that which they WANT, but that which they ARE"

-James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

I must preface the rest of this post by stating that I certainly have nothing against the ideas put forth in "The Secret", movie or book, as they are all valid in their own right. We have purchased and given away a  number of copies of each to people who we thought would benefit due to their open mindedness about things metaphysical. I may have mentioned the problem I do have with "The Secret" in the past, the heightened fluff factor as the content was diluted in order to be more saleable to the masses, marketing takes over and dislodges the real Secret.

The quote sums up, what I deem to be, the direction that the theory of metaphysical manifestation, as put forth in the movie "The Secret", should have taken. Basically there is a lot of wishful thinking and think happy thoughts going on, not by everyone though. There is a lack of action steps beyond mentioning that you must take action. I think they do mention "inspired action" a few times but it is couched in discussions which don't emphasize the importance of the action as strongly as perhaps it could have.

"Men do not attract that which they WANT..."

Although there was some mention of letting it go after putting what you want "out there" and imaginary creation, there was a huge emphasis on the attracting of what you want. Parking spaces, new cars, cash, homes, relationships...etc. Anyone can want any of these very strongly and imagine the desired result but inside, where it really counts, they often do not have the unconscious fortitude to actually put themselves into the situations where these are likely to come to fruition. Call it old programming getting in the way.

"... but that which they are"

Obviously nobody IS a parking space, car, cash... etc, but putting yourself into a receptive mindset both consciously and unconsciously can, and will, allow you to recognize instinctively what needs to be done in order to create the situation that will most likely result in the final manifestation of the desired ends. Put another way, programming your unconscious in a way that leaves your conscious mind free to do other things and, if your are receptive, you will be prompted by seemingly intuitive insights that take you toward your desired outcomes and away from the outcomes that are just not on your radar.

It is less about Law of Attraction and more about concentrated unconscious directives. Does one equate to the other? Perhaps. To the unaware bystander this may appear to them that you are just luckier than most.

I suppose that I should not be so harsh as anyone who is ready to take the next action steps will do so and perhaps as a direct result of having benefited from the content, after all... I am one case in point.

Jeff.

Meditating dog

I meditated today and, as normal, I had my meditating buddy with me. My dog Brandy always joins me and we meditate together... although I think I can learn a lot from her technique.

While these are grainy ipod pictures they get the point across. From left to right is Brandy preparing for meditation (she is sitting on my legs), then her in her favourite meditative position, and post meditation as she stretches those important barking and eating muscles getting ready for the day.

Today I chose a very short session of 15 minutes as I started late and I expect the rest of the family may start moving soon... I could always be wrong though, it is Saturday after all.

I did my normal muscle relaxation, a different anxiety clearing approach and did a short undirected meditation.

Interesting clearing as I tried something a little different, it just popped into my head to try at the moment.

Normally I just let any negative energy feelings leave without regard to their source or even physical manifestation symptoms (tight chest, butterflies, trepidatious feelings etc). Here is the post where I describe this method.

Today I asked my unconscious to identify these feelings and their associated causes first. I have a few things that are looming at home and work that came up with their respective feelings and, surprisingly, those feelings disappeared as they were noted.

I think that bringing a particular feeling to mind, then noting it's cause allows me to categorize each and puts me at ease as my thought process goes something like "OK, I know what has to be done, it's manageable and not worth the worry... what's next?". Sort of a quick mental to-do list management of the apparent most important and urgent issues. Whether they are actually the most important and urgent is really a whole other matter but they seem to have the largest psychological or unconscious footprint right now. 

 I still did my normal clearing exercise afterwards, which serves to clear any un-identified stressors, and felt unusually calm and relaxed afterwards.

So I will be using both techniques combined in future and perhaps fine tuning them a bit.

Jeff.

Acupuncture... just don't call me pincushion.

I had my very first acupuncture treatment yesterday on my shoulder. Interesting.

While I am not afraid of needles, I certainly have never liked them... or maybe it's the idea of someone else poking me full of holes that unsettles me.

I grimaced my way through it and my shoulder is sore today. I had four needles in various points in my shoulder and some electrical stimulation on the posterior muscles.

I think that the jury is still out on this one.

As a result my post will be brief due to my lack of interest in the idea. I do have two more sessions scheduled so I will give it a chance to prove beneficial.

Jeff.